is_this_fate

Acting as counselor, I find it funny that I don't especially have anyone to be my counselor...

My memories of my childhood feel so far off now. It's very peculiar to have memories you know aren't quite your own. Any knowledge I have that they're not mine is really only something I know rationally; emotionally, it always feels like mine.

I don't really know why I'm writing about it right now. I simply think about it from time to time. It's only natural to think about your family. From beginning to the very end, I was a tool to her, but I don't say that disparagingly. No matter what, what matters to me is that I loved her. To be honest, I wish she had told me that from the beginning: that I was a tool to revive her real daughter. Things might have turned out differently then.

Wait, you mean Santa is actually real?

You're all certain?

But... that's just not possible.

Working as an Enforcer can have very demanding hours... I remember I very busy this time of year last year as well, but things have slowed down now. Last year, I worked all the way through Christmas, but this year I think things will be different.

It light of recent events, I have volunteered to work with the GDF as a therapist as well, so if you feel distress or distraught, I urge you to make an appointment. No one should have these burdens at all, most of all not alone.

((Pretend this is a video post))

I'm sorry I had to go.  The TSAB reqeusted my assistance as an Enforcer.  It's all settled now, though.  I'll read the reports, but is there anything I should know?

On less business related notes,

[There is a little skip in the video as she filters a message to Nanoha] I've missed you. [/Filter]

How is everyone?  I hope you've all been well.

((OoC: Italics are thoughts.  Also, Fate has begun wearing her hair down most of the time, hence default icon change))

[Fate is presently on Earth outside, washing her lovely black with yellow highlights car(diche).]

Mm, some people think the beach trip will be good.  Should I go?  I don't own a swimsuit.  I have memories from times Alicia went to the ocean, but I've never gone swimming...

Well, now that the Shirogane is painted, hopefully that's over with.  I'm sorry I've been aloof lately.  Having to work with the TSAB and the GDF can keep me busy.  Oh, I suppose you don't know.  In the last year I obtained my license as a TSAB Enforcer.

To the newer people on base, my name is Fate Testarossa.  I hope we can work well together.



Oh, Nanoha, Hayate, Signum, Subaru, the TSAB finally delivered my car, so I may go into the city later.  You're welcome to come, or if you just want me to get something for you, just say so.

[Filtered to Nanoha]

... do you think I should do something different with my hair...?

[Private; hackable]

Inside the Tome of the Night Sky, I had a dream.  It was a nice dream.

It was so nice that at first it was scary.

Linith, Alicia, my mother, they were all there.  Alicia was my older sister, and Mother smiled at me the way I always wanted her to.

But all three of them are gone, and my Mother was never smiled at me like that even once, and even though I was the younger sister, I was older than Alicia.  If Alicia were still alive, I would have never been born.  It was an impossible dream, so I knew it that's all it was: a dream.  ... but it was what I always wanted.

It was such a nice dream, and yet it was so sad.  Despite that sadness, I didn't <i>want</i> to let go.  A part of me wished I could have accepted it.  But...

While it was something I always wanted, it wasn't everything I wanted.

It was missing someone very important.

... what happened?  I recognize this place.  This is the hospital ward.

The last thing I remember is... we were fighting, and then I rushed to help...

Nanoha!  Is Nanoha alright?

*The waitress seated Nanoha and Fate after Fate allowed Nanoha to signal that it was just the two of them, and handed them a couple of menus for parfaits and other frozen delights*